Moonlight

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My heart is burning
it needs to be quenched by you.
My mind is giving me warning
of the silent storm that’s forming
inside these bones.
I keep playing with the gun
in different zones
I need you to save me
from this desolation.
I need you to free me
from this agitation.

 

This night is getting darker
without you here it’s getting harder.
I can’t see you up in the sky
I’m searching for your light,
 which gives me hope to survive.
I’m alone in the dark,
hope draining apart.
I need your light to feel alive.

In this gloomy night of life
You’re my hope, you’re my home.

 

 

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Truly Madly Deeply

 

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I don’t know why destiny allowed some people to meet, when there’s
no way for them, to be together.

 

I thought, lying under the sky, that I might love him for the rest of my life. The only thing I know now is that, he has this calming energy which radiates from him. Everyday of my life, it feels as if, with time, I’m losing him. Bit by bit, he is fading away. That I’ll never see him again, and I’ll get stuck missing him. I try to feed my heart, these lies, that maybe it isn’t love, maybe it’s nothing. But my heart denies to accept these lies. Sometimes I miss him so much, it hurts me right here. It feels like someone is squeezing my heart with the strength of the entire world. And isn’t that so terrible?

 

 

But it turns out, not to be terrible. I know that girl would go on, that she would grow up, she’ll find someone and will love him. Sometimes we don’t get chances, somethings just end. And you are left with no choice. I realize love is not a tragedy or a failure, but a gift. And you can’t define this feeling, love was never supposed to be defined. Love shows you, how to be strong. It shows you, how to appreciate yourself. Love is meant to be free.

2018: The beginning Of Anything You Want.

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2017 was a successful year because you are still alive and breathing.There would be a time when you hit rock bottom but you are still here after all the hardships. You should be proud of yourself for making it through. You’ve survived this year and that takes a lot of courage. You went through hell but you are here, so powerful than ever. Your pain has strengthened you. It has help you grow. You’ve learned some memorable lessons. So, you should consider this year as a success and not a failure.

 

Let 2018 be the year you stop blaming yourself, of the things you didn’t do.
Let this be the year, holding on to the positivity and letting go negativity. Let’s start to improve ourselves, start working up on yourself. This new year will have some blue days of it’s own.Yet, there’s so much you can do. Achieve career dreams, making memories with people you always want to be with, hitting the gym and maybe work towards the happier ‘you’. You can give yourself one good chance.

 

 

2018 is the year for self-discovery. It is the year for you to comprehend the feelings that conceal inside of you. For you to learn to love,even your  wildest part. For you to grow into the future version of yourself. 2018 is the year, you strive towards healing. Let 2018 be the year you focus on yourself. May this be the year you fill yourself with only positive energy. There will be days you can’t do life. But embrace even these moments. Don’t let them flaw your zeal.

 

 

2018 is the year you put yourself on the top of your priority list.
Start believing that you are a force to be reckoned with, instead of believing that you are nothing. Start believing that your heart is so much more precious than you have ever remembered. And start believing that you, and your soul, are made to be loved. Embrace your loving, enchanting memories, and enter 2018.

 

New Year,
New Feels,
New Chances.
Same Dreams,
Fresh Starts.

Beautiful Readers!

 

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First I want my readers to know that you people are so important and precious to me. You people motivate and inspire me to do better. Without you I wouldn’t be here, happy and satisfied. I just want to thank all my readers for always being so kind and supportive. I really appreciate your support and readership. Thank you for making me feel at home.

 

The older I get , the more I realize, how hard it is to find genuine people. You people make me realize of how valuable my words, my art is, and I’m very grateful for that. Some people I know have nothing to add, to my life except for pushing me down.It is very elated to know that strangers care and support more for me and my work than the people I have in my life.

 

Without your immense support, inspiring words, and so much love, I wouldn’t be able to make it till here. My blogging journey wouldn’t be interesting without you people.

 

All the Love,

          Jamila xx

That’s the way Love goes

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I remember the day, like a movie scene, replaying on my mind. The way he entered the room full of confidence with a bag on his shoulder. I was there in that very room unaware of the moment which would change my life, forever. The moment I laid my eyes on him everything became inaudible. I just got lost in him. And in a split second I was different, the world around me was different. Everyday I entered that room wishing just to see him. It felt like the summer danced on our skin. He was the deep blue sky, the colors of wild, the reason of my smile, soothing music to my ears. And I need to thank him for reminding me what butterflies feel like.

 

It wasn’t like love at first sight but I felt something I never felt before. I felt sparks fly every time I saw him. Something inside of me just triggered. I didn’t knew after that day he’d be so important to me. I didn’t believe you could love someone you don’t know much about. It felt like you’re not looking for anything but then suddenly you realize; you have everything. When I first looked at him I thought he was pretty cute, but now when I look at him, I see my whole world.

 

We are never meant to be. We are worlds apart. But still, I fall hopelessly in love with him.In the middle of the night when everything is quiet I think of him, I think of us in a thousand ways happily together. Even if I don’t realize it, he always find his way back into my memory. I’m standing at that point where I can’t have him but I really need him.

 

 

I am desperately in love with someone who I haven’t much spoken too and haven’t seen for a while. I think it’s kinda wonderful that despite the distance between two people you never stop loving them. Even when you know that you can’t be together. There’s a weird pleasure in loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
The truth is you never truly lose someone because love is not a losing game. If your heart truly cares for someone, beats for someone then there’s no going back. The best kind of love frees you. True love cannot be lost, nor be forgotten. It always exists within you.

 

 

Love doesn’t happen at first sight. Love, like most good things, occurs when you least expect it.

 

 

Let Me Go

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 We were young and reckless
broken and neglected by the world
we found each other and expected to much.
That’s where we made a mistake.
But to learn and grow we had to break.

 


I was blinded by the curtain of the haze
I was standing in a battle in helpless ways
The wounds went deeper
but you said your love was sweeter
and that you can be my healer
But now I know how wrong I was.

 

Worn out by the same old games; exasperating
I keep hoping for you to stop waiting
You are some kind of black in my white
All the roads that leads you to me
will always show red lights
I’ve enough of these messy rides.

 

 

I keep hoping for you to stop waiting
Boy, ain’t life fascinating?
You knew this thing wasn’t made to last

it’ll be a bittersweet past
With few laughs you brought many woes
but now I just need you to let me go

 

Things felt true to me even if they were not.
And it taught me things I would never forgot. 

 

Tainted Love

 

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Yes, he still loves her
Yes, he still cares about her.
Yes, he still thinks about her.
And yes, he knows he can’t have her.

 

He made one mistake that changed things.The days where the sun was shining bright his world was bleak.The pain on his chest was too heavy to breath.He was trying to remember all the feelings lost somewhere in his world of chaos.There were days when he thought about a time when they would’ve been happy with what they were,if only that one mistake was never made.

 

He wished if only he could turn back time to make things right.So that they could laugh and talk again the way they used too.So they could come up with new inside jokes together and create new memories.But the reality is different now.They are standing on different mountains fighting the same battle alone.

 

First love can never be forgotten so how could he? He keeps lying to his heart.He can’t stop the feelings that he has for her.His heart knows the truth all too well.It was never intended to be like this,the sleepless nights and restless days.Her presence still comforts him.Her smile is what makes his day.He can’t escape he can’t leave the feelings behind.

 

He sat on his favorite spot near the window.Where he would spend hours talking to her.This was a time when he realized the importance of moments.When  he thought moments weren’t necessary until they were needed.He had nothing but this emptiness in his heart.He dwells in darkness having nothing to lose this time.He thought about ending things but that family photo hanging on the wall stopped him.

 

Life has its own way of working.The light shines to guide you when you least expect it.If love destroys you then it also saves you.It’s just matter of time you get to learn how to survive when you think you can’t. What’s done is done and past is past.You can’t blame yourself  because it’s okay to make mistakes.It’s not how we make mistakes,but how we correct them that define us.

 

Moving on is difficult and when we talk about love it’s even harder.But the only way to let go and move on is to let it all flow.Let the memories cleanse you and heal you rather than haunt you.Because memories are not made to remorse.You have to get out there open up, live and learn,make mistakes, be stronger and start all over again.

 

 

Honest feelings and bad timings make the most painful combination.

Dear Diary

 

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I sit alone with my diary
He is on every part of my story.
I saw him with a girl
he was talking to her with lot of interest
I envy her cause she’s has his attention
I admit she is beautiful and lucky
Cause just look at her and me.
Do I really need to mention?
my heart beats 10 times faster
There is nothing subtle here
I love to welcome this sweet disaster.
I wonder if he knows that
he’s all I think about at night.
He is the only one I see in crowded streets
There is no way to make things right in my head.

 

I sit here alone writing a part of my story
Suddenly I feel the teardrops on my diary
With a weary voice, my heart replies
With every dream,my future dies.
This love story will not end the same.

Every tear I shed in his name
I realize how he is so far away
Without him life turns from red to grey.

A girl without a name #2

 

 

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What do you do when all your hope is gone and you are left with nothing?
When everything stops in you and pain gets unbearable.When falling apart is the only option.When everything seems absurd and it all hurts.Tell me what do you do?

I’m drowning in nothingness.I feel like that futile thing people throw when they are done taking advantage of it. I’ve no more strength to hold on.It’s getting harder and harder every passing day.

I was walking on the pavement.The streets were empty.The sky was still dark after the heavy rain.The cold breeze was blowing straight on my face.The ground glowed neon in the streetlights.I was walking with a mind with no destination.Everything was quiet just like the silence after the storm.I was alone and anticipated.

That day everything happened in a fraction of time.I saw big flashlights from afar and heard the sound of a loud thud.Nothing was a coincidence. Everything I was experiencing was meant to happen exactly how it was happening.The road was slippery because of the rain.The driver could do nothing about it.The sliver truck loosed it’s balance.The driver tried to turn the wheel but nothing happened. The truck swerved on to the pavement on which I was.I heard the sickening sound of shattering glass and twisting metal.I didn’t have enough time to act.Maybe everything was meant to be this way.

I remembered those jovial days when everything was bright.I had everything I wanted.Family and friends,laughter and peace.But as I grew up everything changed.People changed,I changed.I was tired of having to give up the only things in life I wanted.And it was then, I realized that you must kill a part of yourself to stay alive.I wish I didn’t have to give my love to all those people who didn’t deserve it.

I couldn’t move because it hurt.I was badly bleeding and a part of me knew that no one was coming to save me.I just laid there thinking how I stumbled off the lane.The night seemed darker than ever,moonless and silent.I felt the sense of fear,joy and grief all at once.Grief,shock,it affects people in strange ways.And in that moment you want to feel something-anything other than sadness.My vision started to blur I reluctantly blinked.In that very moment I finally saw my world falling apart and this time I had no courage to try to gather the mess.

I tried to breathe suck in all the air my lungs could carry and yet I felt empty.Not only my body but my soul was giving up too.My heart and mind collapsed,shutting all the emotions and feelings.How badly I need it all to stop abruptly.Every last inch of hope draining away.Lost in oblivion.Dark and silent, I  found my freedom as I took my last breath.

 

We all have a story to tell…

 

The first article has nothing to do with this one.But still if you haven’t read here is the link https://jamilamurtaza6.wordpress.com/2017/07/09/a-girl-without-a-name

 

Rock Bottom

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I’ve my memories on remind
I can’t bare the thoughts my mind
is throwing, stealing peace of mind.
I take a step and instantly I take it back
My life is under attack
the vultures circling around my walls
they keep shooting the bullets
and my wall falls.

I hit rock bottom
some bullets, I’m glad I got ’em
I just want to end it
this war is tempted to throttle me
the world is collapsing beneath my feet
But I know and I believe
that the only person
who can get me back on the surface
is myself.

 

Rock Bottom Has Built More Heroes Than Privilege.