Tainted Love




Yes, he still loves her
Yes, he still cares about her.
Yes, he still thinks about her.
And yes, he knows he can’t have her.


He made one mistake that changed things.The days where the sun was shining bright his world was bleak.The pain on his chest was too heavy to breath.He was trying to remember all the feelings lost somewhere in his world of chaos.There were days when he thought about a time when they would’ve been happy with what they were,if only that one mistake was never made.


He wished if only he could turn back time to make things right.So that they could laugh and talk again the way they used too.So they could come up with new inside jokes together and create new memories.But the reality is different now.They are standing on different mountains fighting the same battle alone.


First love can never be forgotten so how could he? He keeps lying to his heart.He can’t stop the feelings that he has for her.His heart knows the truth all too well.It was never intended to be like this,the sleepless nights and restless days.Her presence still comforts him.Her smile is what makes his day.He can’t escape he can’t leave the feelings behind.


He sat on his favorite spot near the window.Where he would spend hours talking to her.This was a time when he realized the importance of moments.When  he thought moments weren’t necessary until they were needed.He had nothing but this emptiness in his heart.He dwells in darkness having nothing to lose this time.He thought about ending things but that family photo hanging on the wall stopped him.


Life has its own way of working.The light shines to guide you when you least expect it.If love destroys you then it also saves you.It’s just matter of time you get to learn how to survive when you think you can’t. What’s done is done and past is past.You can’t blame yourself  because it’s okay to make mistakes.It’s not how we make mistakes,but how we correct them that define us.


Moving on is difficult and when we talk about love it’s even harder.But the only way to let go and move on is to let it all flow.Let the memories cleanse you and heal you rather than haunt you.Because memories are not made to remorse.You have to get out there open up, live and learn,make mistakes, be stronger and start all over again.



Honest feelings and bad timings make the most painful combination.


A girl without a name #2





What do you do when all your hope is gone and you are left with nothing?
When everything stops in you and pain gets unbearable.When falling apart is the only option.When everything seems absurd and it all hurts.Tell me what do you do?

I’m drowning in nothingness.I feel like that futile thing people throw when they are done taking advantage of it. I’ve no more strength to hold on.It’s getting harder and harder every passing day.

I was walking on the pavement.The streets were empty.The sky was still dark after the heavy rain.The cold breeze was blowing straight on my face.The ground glowed neon in the streetlights.I was walking with a mind with no destination.Everything was quiet just like the silence after the storm.I was alone and anticipated.

That day everything happened in a fraction of time.I saw big flashlights from afar and heard the sound of a loud thud.Nothing was a coincidence. Everything I was experiencing was meant to happen exactly how it was happening.The road was slippery because of the rain.The driver could do nothing about it.The sliver truck loosed it’s balance.The driver tried to turn the wheel but nothing happened. The truck swerved on to the pavement on which I was.I heard the sickening sound of shattering glass and twisting metal.I didn’t have enough time to act.Maybe everything was meant to be this way.

I remembered those jovial days when everything was bright.I had everything I wanted.Family and friends,laughter and peace.But as I grew up everything changed.People changed,I changed.I was tired of having to give up the only things in life I wanted.And it was then, I realized that you must kill a part of yourself to stay alive.I wish I didn’t have to give my love to all those people who didn’t deserve it.

I couldn’t move because it hurt.I was badly bleeding and a part of me knew that no one was coming to save me.I just laid there thinking how I stumbled off the lane.The night seemed darker than ever,moonless and silent.I felt the sense of fear,joy and grief all at once.Grief,shock,it affects people in strange ways.And in that moment you want to feel something-anything other than sadness.My vision started to blur I reluctantly blinked.In that very moment I finally saw my world falling apart and this time I had no courage to try to gather the mess.

I tried to breathe suck in all the air my lungs could carry and yet I felt empty.Not only my body but my soul was giving up too.My heart and mind collapsed,shutting all the emotions and feelings.How badly I need it all to stop abruptly.Every last inch of hope draining away.Lost in oblivion.Dark and silent, I  found my freedom as I took my last breath.


We all have a story to tell…


The first article has nothing to do with this one.But still if you haven’t read here is the link https://jamilamurtaza6.wordpress.com/2017/07/09/a-girl-without-a-name


The Unspoken Truth


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Some things are left unsaid and some feelings leave us in oblivion.It’s
time to talk about the unspoken,the little things that we need to comprehend because little things matter.They affect a person’s life.


The idea of writing this article came to me when I read the book named ’13 reasons why.’ I’m sure you all have heard about it.Some of you might have read it too and if you haven’t I highly recommend that you read it.13 reasons why is something really close to my heart.It made me change the way I look at certain things.Now that it is also turned into a series,it brought the story more to life.Honestly reading it or even watching is very sad and depressing.It made me feel some feelings I never felt before.It was sort of uncomfortable feelings you feel but it speaks the truth.


Reading 13 reasons why I realized how every feeling is important that it should be respected.If you can’t help others then at least don’t make it harder for them.There’s a reason that we’re told not to judge anyone,not to play with someone’s feelings,not to cross the limits,not to believe in absurd rumors until you are fully confident about it.


This book made me realized that there are lots of Hannah’s (the main character from the book who committed suicide.They treated her in a way like she was worthless when they didn’t even know her.) going through lots of problems that we don’t even know about.Instead of helping them we’re making harder for them to survive,stealing hopes instead of giving them.I really hope that we realize soon that we are all humans and we deserve to be treated right.



It’s important to treat others right.Treat them with kindness you would never know but it could save a life.Also it’s important to be aware of our actions,aware of the words we are saying.It’s impossible to know what’s going on in someone’s life and how we might be adding to his/her pain.


How many suicides does it take for people to realize the shit they say


Watch or read ’13 Reasons Why’ and you’ll see how something so little you say to someone can ruin them.Be kind.Be open.Be a friend.



Message someone you love and appreciate them today.You may end up saving a life,and all it took was a text and two minutes of your time.



Life is demanding and exhausting.It makes us complicated and outrageous. Sometimes life is like a battlefield with only tears and woes with no cheers.But that doesn’t mean that you can close your eyes and just ignore it.You get up and face it or else lose it.


Things happen___ people leave us, we lose them through the years as we grow.We feel unwanted sometimes like the world has simply abandoned us.We feel broken and then we lose ourselves in chaos.We fail and it hurts so much.And then the broken starts to crack open,it becomes inevitable.


It’s important for the cracks to be fully open so that we can finally fall apart.So the light can get through the cracks.So that we could perceive the truth.So we could start again.When you heal you reach out to gave that light to others.So you can irradiate through the cracks.So that everyone can foresee their way and kindle hope to live and start again.


Just like your light dims, it will shine.
Just like you broke, you will heal.
_Najwa Zebian

Best Friends Who Heal Our Broken Hearts.



I would never have survived without them,my best friends.They gave me a reason to live.Some days I just live for them.I love to see them smile.I simply adore them.Everyday they give me so many reasons to love them more and more.In fact,our love grows everyday and the bond gets stronger with time.I am thankful to God who have blessed me with wonderful human beings. I’ve never taken them for granted and I never will.


Thank you for listening to my pointless talks.For always asking if I’m okay and for wiping my tears off when I was breaking down.


Thank you for holding tight when I was shattered into million pieces.For telling me that I’m special and beautiful.That I deserve more and that I’m loved.


Thank you for helping me to find the lost broken pieces.For gathering me back together when I was all over the place.Thank you for holding my hand and letting me know that you were always there.




Thank you for guiding me when I was lost.Thank you for healing my broken heart.Thank you for reminding me that even though some people will break my heart, but you will always be there to make me believe in good again, to make me believe in love again.


Thank you for that time when I was weary and you gave me that silence and peace that I wanted.Those tight hugs that made me feel alive and strong.Without you I wouldn’t have survived,I would’ve stayed dejected and damaged.


Thank you for staying in a world where everybody leaved.
Thank you for all the laughs that made us tripping over each other.
Thank you for being my lighthouse,my home.Without you I wouldn’t have seen the light.Without you I’d be nowhere.


Thank you for loving me loudly and openly.Thank you for all the prayers and the good wishes.Most significantly, thank you for trying to fix me even when you were broken.All those times when I made you angry or hurt you unintentionally,I’m sorry.You people showed me that some hearts will love me and will not break me.Thank you for never giving up on me.


Thank you for always loving me no matter what.Thank you for always protecting me and not leaving me alone.You make me believe in hope and love and everything good that exits.Most of all, you make me believe in kindness and humanity.Thank you for showing me the meaning of true friendship,guidance and affection.


Thank you to all the amazing people for being my sunlight.I love you and I will love you for the rest of my life.

Here’s to the nights that turned into mornings with the friends that turned into family.

Broken Connects the Broken.



I’m not the only one.The beauty of brokenness cannot be elucidate. Everyone has been broken at some part.A part where they heard the voice of their heart breaking.

I’ve always been attracted to the broken.We are not strangers because we are all broken and that’s enough to connect,to share the feelings we feel.I’m not saying that I can fix you.No,I can’t.I can’t even fix myself.But maybe our hearts become a little lighter when we have someone to talk.Been broken does not mean you have a broken life.Broken is kinda beautiful.You learn,you heal and you’re brave enough to hear your heart’s wisdom through it.There’s a beauty in healing.Healing is grace.

We are not strangers because we know what anguish feels like,what crashing down in agony feels like.How it feels to sleep with a broken heart.How it feels when tears can’t stop and we can’t breathe.We know how to fake a smile and deceive others.Because that’s what me do,what I do.What survivors do.

We are all wonderful,beautiful wrecks.That’s what connects us— that we are all broken,all imperfect.Damaged people trying to heal each other is a connection of love and care.


God chooses broken people like you and me to rescue broken people like you and me.

New Moon


I am a new moon.Some things will be a part of me no matter how I try to get rid of it.Even for a fraction but will be with me.Some nights you will be evident and sometimes I will be able to conceal you.You’re nothing but one of my phases.Some nights you will be my identity even if I like it or not.The ugly memories that you’ve given be are indelible.Some nights it’ll seem as you’re my shadow.For a fleeting moment you’ll be the only piece of me that will shine.But it’s okay,you’re only a fragment.You can never take me down,you can never complete me. Like a new moon I’ll occur again and again.I’ll be whole again.

Girls on fire!



Here’s to all the girls:

who are too shy to speak.
who don’t get everything that they want.
who are hopeless romantics and the daydreamers.
who feel insecure walking among the crowd.
who are dealing with social anxiety.
who barely wake up in the morning after a long night of Instagram,music and reading.
who never cares what people are saying and does their own thing.
who wear little to no make up because they love to stay natural.
who’d rather spend the day with a book than people.
who have a little group of friends.
who eats whatever and whenever they like.
who don’t have tons of clothes and shoes because they don’t really had to leave the house to go to different places.
who barely care about dark circles under their eyes or not so perfect skin
who loves fiction and thinks it’s the most beautiful.
who have had their heart broken by a guy they never even dated.
who have never switched off their light.

Here’s to all the girls like me,who have no idea how they’ll survive it but every single time they do survive it.The girls who breathe through the fear,and walk through fire!
Stay beautiful and bubbly.Let not the world bring 
you down.Never doubt your fire, girl! Do your own thing because you’re doing just perfectly.


She didn’t just walk on a wild side, she lived there, dancing in the streets and setting fire to the sky. _J.iron word


A girl without a name.


Sometimes I wonder if things truly never end, or if they keep on living inside us___killing us slowly.
Sometimes I wonder why good things end? Why do they end before they even began? Why do they end when you’re still not done writing the story?


I was here when you couldn’t see my affliction behind my smile.You asked me what happened whenever I looked drifted apart by my thoughts  and I always replied with a ‘Nothing’ Why you couldn’t see the truth behind those brown eyes?
I was here when I was drowning in silence,where you could save me but you were too busy.
I was here when at times I already felt dead but you could bring me back to live just by holding my hands.But simply you were not there.
I was here all this time standing alone, my scars speaking of my wars.
I gave everything to you.I think I was an extra for you.I always listened to your worries never let you faced those hardships alone.I was always there making you realize how strong you were.I simply was not only there in your good but bad times too.
But sadly you were not there when I needed you the most.That’s not fair I know but I forgive you.I tried to heal the wounds in your chest.I hope I did and I hope you’re feeling good now.I was here and I did my part.I found my peace in the infinity sky.I hope you’ve found yours too.Don’t live in regret it’s time you move on.


“You see we are humans and we need somebody once in a while.No matter how independent we are or how strong we are.We need somebody for a little while who can just hold your hand and say ‘It’s gonna be okay.Don’t worry I am here for you.’

Apology To My Youth.

When she finally stopped running from it,she saw how beautiful the truth really could be.
         __Jessica Michelle


I accepted every part of it.The truth that laid within me.I feel sorry that it took me years to figure out.I was neglecting every part that was chained with me but not anymore.


To my younger self,
I’m sorry for comparing you with others,I’m sorry at times I felt you weren’t enough.I’m sorry for not believing in you.I’m sorry you had to be embarrassed just because I was shy.I’m sorry for not standing up for you.I’m sorry that I allowed you to be afraid of the things that never mattered.I’m sorry that I let you believe that your worth was determined by the number of friends you had or how popular you were and by the grades you received on your report card.


I feel bad because I didn’t encouraged you.I kept you concealed in the dark.I’m sorry I prevented you from living boldly and openly.I’m sorry I never told you how beautiful you looked in the mirror, every time when you smiled, the world seemed to glow.I’m sorry I never told you that you were complete, that there was nothing you could change about yourself.You were who you were.


I am sorry I wasn’t there to motivate you when you were stressing over your exams.I am sorry I was not there whispering soothing words when you couldn’t stop crying.You were so depressed that you wanted everything to end.I’m sorry I was not strong enough to hold you.Those times when you let your mind win over you and it was so rigid to even get up.
But you still did it.You fall,you got up with triumph.You did it because you never stopped having faith.You never let that wee light of hope fade away.You survived successfully and for that I’m so proud of you!


I do hope that you comprehend that I was trying harder;that I never stopped trying.I always had faith in you.Do know that now it won’t be like before.I promise I will do my best to take care of you.I hope you know that I never intentionally put you down or tried to hurt you.Despite how may I have treated you,you still have lived a pleasing and courageous life this far.You have been a survivor.No matter what mistakes I made,I will always look back on your life with nothing but fondness and pride.But from today on I promise I will support you,love you,care for you.We will finally be a strong team that no one will break.
From today on I will be by your side.I will be your friend.I,now, know the truth and If ever the weight of the world tries to put you down I will be there to lift you up again.Just know that you are precious.